A Decision.

This statement is something that always has rang true for me:

I don’t want to work for somebody else, on somebody else’s passion. I want to work towards the projects that I feel passionate about, use my talent and skills to build something that comes from me, and to work when and where I want to, and have the time to really focus on making my changes to the world.

But, am I really trying to get there?

In the past few months, something has slowly been snapping inside of me. A growing feeling that actually, I’m not heading down this path, this ultimate goal that I want to reach for myself. I’m throwing myself into working for other people, getting caught up in the working world of a in-house UX. And I was stagnating. Throwing yourself into somebody else’s grand idea, no matter how exciting and awesome it may be, has always left me feeling like I should be doing this on my own ideas – that if they can do it, why can’t I?

Fear is the mind-killer

The reasons why I thought I couldn’t do it mostly stem from fear. The feeling that at 25, I’m still relatively inexperienced and that I’d need to get some more wisdom under my belt before I could feel “safe” enough to branch out on my own; being scared of not being able to support myself; being scared of having all of that responsibility on my shoulders; scared that people would laugh at me when I told them of my aspirations. I was fearful, so therefore I was content to stay in my little happy place of comfort. A bad move.

Making the change

A funny thing happened when my brain finally rationalised all that fear stuff out for me. When I realised that all my supposed reasons were coming from a place of fear, pushing me towards staying my safe course, a little voice in my brain that was previously muffled by all that fear starting to speak out, niggling at me. Telling me that I didn’t have to be scared, that I could make a change. And I started to believe it.

The voice was made so much stronger by the fact that it was slowly being nurtured from a weak, sickly little whisper into a strong, booming, operatic shout by hearing Rob Cooper talk about his aspirations and dreams for world domination. Talking with Rob helped affirm everything I had been thinking and really helped me to cement some ideas in my mind. I started to feel that inexorable pull towards an end decision that I hadn’t actually made yet – I knew what decision was right for me, it was just a matter of doing it.

The Plunge

So, last week, I made the biggest decision of my life to date; I handed in my notice. Yep. Really soon, I am going to be purposefully, excitingly, out of full-time employment. And into the big wide world.

I’ll save for another post exactly what the plan is going forward. Suffice it to say for now, that I shall be very excitingly joining forces with Rob – one of the most exciting, inspirational and talented people I have ever had the good fortune to work with – and we shall be coming to an Internet near you very soon. Watch out world